Author: Kitty Unpretty

Victoria wasn’t trying to be clingy, but it seemed to be happening regardless. Being in a church surrounded by strangers turned out to be extraordinarily uncomfortable, and she was dealing with it by staying as close to Jeremy as she could.

It didn’t help, either, that he was in the process of trying to break into one of the rooms. She had not actually been aware that churches had rooms, at least not in the way that other buildings had rooms. Utilitarian carpeting and water fountains. It reminded her of an elementary school.

Victoria: Want to meet me in the storage room in twenty minutes or so?
Jeremy: We probably shouldn’t
Victoria: Why?
Jeremy: I think they’re onto us
Victoria: What?
Victoria: Fuck.
Victoria: The nerd guys.
Jeremy: Will and Darren
Victoria: You knew who I meant.
◦◦◦
Jeremy: I told them not to mention it
Victoria: That just made it seem like a big deal.
Victoria: So now everyone knows we’re fucking, or what?
◦◦◦
Jeremy: A few people think we might be dating
Victoria: You go on dates with other chicks, though.
Victoria: Does that not throw them off at all?
Jeremy: I haven’t gone out in a while
Victoria: Shit.
◦◦◦
Victoria: Why not?
Jeremy: I didn’t want to?
Victoria: Did you run out of Tindr?
Jeremy: I decided I didn’t want to go out when I could stay home and fuck you instead
Jeremy: Sue me
Victoria: Well look where that got us.
Victoria: At work, not fucking.
Jeremy: We can still fuck after work just fine
Victoria: Your dick was like my favorite fringe benefit, though.
Jeremy: Was that in your employment contract
Victoria: It probably should have been.
◦◦◦
Jeremy: I’m sorry about this
Victoria: It’s fine.
Jeremy: It’s not
Jeremy: You wanted this to be under the radar
Victoria: It was stupid to think we could keep it that way.
Victoria: You like having people over and stuff.
Jeremy: You’re always free to join us when I do
Victoria: It’s fine.
◦◦◦
Jeremy: Do you still go on walks?
Victoria: Not really.
Jeremy: Why not?
Victoria: There’s nowhere to really go.
Jeremy: I can show you some places
Victoria: It’s fine.
Jeremy: You sure?
◦◦◦
Jeremy: Do you only like walking in the woods?
Victoria: Kind of, yeah.
Jeremy: There’s the woods behind the house
Victoria: Those aren’t woods.
Victoria: Those are privacy trees.
Jeremy: Same/diff
Victoria: Privacy trees are completely different and also gross.
Jeremy: I’ll take your word for it
◦◦◦
Jeremy: I just feel like I took your privacy and your hobby away?
Victoria: Walking by creepy train tracks wasn’t a hobby.
Victoria: It was a thing to do.
Jeremy: That’s what a hobby is
Victoria: You know what I mean.
Victoria: I’ll find something new to do when I need alone time.
Jeremy: Shit
Jeremy: Alone time means you won’t want to go hiking with me right
Victoria: God no.
Victoria: Why would I ever.
Jeremy: For fun and fitness
Victoria: I’m disgusted.
Jeremy: >:3
Victoria: Oh Christ don’t start with that shit again.
Jeremy: >:3c

●●●

Jeremy tapped his controller thoughtfully against his knee. Outside, rain continued to pour.

“I could just not play,” Darren suggested.

Jeremy: Coming over tonight?
Victoria: Can’t.
Jeremy: K
◦◦◦
Victoria: Apartment hunting.
Jeremy: ??
Victoria: My building got condemned.
Jeremy: ?????
Victoria: Yeah.
Victoria: The plumbing was always pretty fucked up but now no one’s getting water.
Victoria: Nothing is working.
Victoria: Instead of fixing it I guess they’re just going to… not?
Jeremy: Are you okay?
Victoria: Yeah.
Victoria: I’m buying bottled water.
Jeremy: How soon do you need to be out?
Victoria: Within a couple days I guess?
Victoria: I don’t know.
Victoria: I’ll get it figured out.
Jeremy: What about my place?
◦◦◦
Jeremy: ?
Victoria: No, I have some leads.
Jeremy: I mean the basement apartment
Jeremy: It’s all fixed up and everything
Victoria: Don’t worry about it.
Jeremy: As a temporary measure to get you somewhere with a working shower
Jeremy: There’s also a big tub if that helps
Victoria: Are you bribing me with plumbing?
Jeremy: Maybe
◦◦◦
Jeremy: You’ve never even seen the place I don’t think
Victoria: I haven’t.
Jeremy: It can’t hurt to look
Jeremy: You can at least keep your shit here
◦◦◦
Victoria: I’ll check it out.
Jeremy: Dinner?
Victoria: No, later.
Victoria: I’ll eat before I get there.
Jeremy: Okay

●●●

Victoria’s steps slowed on the way back to her apartment. Someone was waiting outside for her—heading toward her to intercept her path. It had been Jeremy’s goal that they’d meet at the sidewalk, so that the two of them could walk together back to her building. Instead she stopped, and he was forced to join her in the weeds beside the train tracks.

“Are you okay?” he asked, his brows knit in concern.

Jeremy: I just watched Josh sneak into accounting to steal a cruller
Jeremy: Which he then dropped
Jeremy: And then ate anyway
Jeremy: He thinks no one saw but now we both know his secret
◦◦◦
Jeremy: Are you avoiding me?
Victoria: No.
Jeremy: Well that got a quick reply
◦◦◦
Jeremy: You’re pretty clearly avoiding me, though
Jeremy: Is it because I came over?
Victoria: I came to your house after that.
Victoria: I’m not avoiding you.
Jeremy: I’ve barely seen you around the office
Jeremy: You haven’t been replying when I text you
Victoria: I’ve been busy
◦◦◦
Jeremy: Can I tell you what I think?
◦◦◦
Victoria: Sure.
◦◦◦
Jeremy: I think I crossed a line when I showed up at your apartment and it freaked you out
Jeremy: I think you’re avoiding me to put space between us
Victoria: It wasn’t a big deal.
Jeremy: Nothing is ever a big deal
Victoria: ?
◦◦◦
Jeremy: For someone who bitches as much as you do, you’re always fine
Victoria: I get pissed at you all the time.
Jeremy: Even when you’re pissed you’re fine
Jeremy: You’re never not fine
Victoria: Is that a problem?
Jeremy: I don’t know
Jeremy: I never know if there’s a problem and I can’t fix what I can’t see
◦◦◦
Victoria: Maybe I don’t need fixing.
Jeremy: That was bad word choice and not what I meant
◦◦◦
Jeremy: If there’s nothing I can do to stop you from ghosting me then tell me
Jeremy: Save us both some time
Victoria: I’m not ghosting you.
Jeremy: Okay
◦◦◦
Victoria: This is why I don’t date.
Jeremy: Because you don’t like getting called out on bullshit?
Victoria: Fuck you.
◦◦◦
Jeremy: Sorry
Jeremy: I was trying to tease and I don’t think the tone came through right
Victoria: It’s okay.
◦◦◦
Victoria: It hasn’t even been a week and you’re freaking out, though.
Jeremy: I wouldn’t call this freaking out
Victoria: I mean I do this sometimes.
Victoria: I like space and I like being alone and this is what I default to.
Victoria: If I don’t need anything from you then you won’t hear from me and it’s exactly as shitty as it sounds.
Victoria: I’m not going to pretend it’s not shitty and selfish but I’m not going to change either.
◦◦◦
Jeremy: Maybe it seemed like I was overreacting but it seemed like a reasonable assumption
Jeremy: You’ve said less to me in the last four days than any day in the last four months
Jeremy: Not including that time you tried to give me the silent treatment
Jeremy: But even then you made sure I saw you not talking to me
◦◦◦
Victoria: I just needed some breathing room.
Jeremy: You’re entitled to that
Jeremy: If you warn me I’ll know to back off
◦◦◦
Jeremy: I know I’m constantly asking you to tell me things
Jeremy: And I know you don’t like to do that
Jeremy: It’s just that if you said “hey everythings fine but i need space for a bit ttyl” it might save us both some trouble
Victoria: How fucking dare you.
Jeremy: >:3c
Victoria: Oh my fucking god.
Victoria: I have never been so offended in my whole life.
Victoria: First you impugn my grammar and then you emote at me.
Jeremy: >;3c
Victoria: Jesus Christ.
Victoria: I’m never letting you put your dick in me again.
Jeremy: Pretty sure you’re going to beg, actually
Victoria: Not if you’re making that face I’m not.
Jeremy: Are you suggesting that I might
Jeremy: In real life
Jeremy: Go >:3c at you
Jeremy: With my dick out
Victoria: At this point I can’t put anything past you, you fucking monster.
Jeremy: Are you in your office trying not to laugh because you were imagining me doing it?
Victoria: Don’t stalk me.
Jeremy: I’m not, I’m just a very good deductive reasoner
Jeremy: d:3
Victoria: What the fuck is that.
Jeremy: It was supposed to be a deerstalker cap but I don’t think it worked
Jeremy: There’s no pipe emoji, either
Victoria: Don’t you dare send me an emoji you insufferable fucking nerd.
Jeremy: Oh, -I’m- the nerd?
Victoria: The head of IT and Accounting is the king of the nerds.
Jeremy: But which of us has more achievements to our screenname, is the real question
◦◦◦
Jeremy: Be honest
Jeremy: Are you mad that I know you like nerd shit?
Jeremy: Were the playtendostations supposed to be a secret
Victoria: That would be fucking stupid.
Jeremy: That’s not a no
Victoria: I don’t play that many games anyway.
Victoria: None of it has multiplayer or combat so it basically doesn’t even count.
Jeremy: No combat at all?
Victoria: Turn-based sometimes.
Jeremy: That counts
Jeremy: Neeeerd

●●●

Victoria agonized over whether or not to open the door to her apartment. She was in her pajamas, her makeup was off, and more importantly: she never let anyone into her apartment. The deciding factor, ultimately, was a concern that the idiot at her door might walk drunkenly into traffic.

“Jeremy,” she said when she answered, and then, before he could say anything: “You’re shitfaced.”

Victoria stuck her head tentatively into Jeremy’s home office. He was still on a conference call, which wasn’t holding his attention at all. He was playing solitaire. He was bad at it. She didn’t know why it pleased her so much to see him get the alert that he was out of moves and would have to start over. She’d carried her beer up from the kitchen, and it hung half-empty from her fingers.

“That sounds great, Carlos,” Jeremy said into his headset, turning off mute. “I think that—no, no. You go right ahead, Bill.” He hit mute again and sighed.

“You know, I think Jay likes you.”

Victoria was at the company picnic. She had no desire to be at any kind of a picnic. She would not have been there, but it was only theoretically optional. Work involved a lot of things that were only theoretically optional.

Jeremy: So my hotel budget has gotten a little out of hand
Victoria: I’ve been telling you to let me pay for like two months.
Jeremy: Actually I was thinking you could come over
Jeremy: To my house
◦◦◦
Victoria: Huh.
Jeremy: That’s not encouraging
◦◦◦
Jeremy: I feel like you’d know by now if I was a serial killer
Jeremy: Planning to serial kill you
Victoria: It would explain so much if you were, though.
Jeremy: Woooowwww
Victoria: But as a general rule serial killers are white guys.
Jeremy: Really reassuring me with all this serial killer knowledge
◦◦◦
Victoria: I don’t think you’re a serial killer.
Victoria: It just seems kind of awkward.
Jeremy: Being in my house?
Victoria: Kind of.
Jeremy: You might like it
Jeremy: I could make dinner
Victoria: That’s more awkward, not less.
◦◦◦
Jeremy: Okay
Jeremy: Well
Jeremy: That’s kind of
◦◦◦
Jeremy: Can you explain to me what’s awkward about it?
Jeremy: I’m not trying to argue with your decision
Jeremy: I just want to understand
Jeremy: For future reference
◦◦◦
Victoria: I don’t know.
Victoria: It feels like a date?
Jeremy: And you don’t date
Victoria: See putting it like this makes me sound crazy.
Victoria: I just don’t like it when guys do stuff like that.
Jeremy: Stuff like having you over for dinner?
Jeremy: And having sex in their own bed?
◦◦◦
Victoria: Bringing me into your life.
Victoria: Your not-sex life.
Jeremy: As a friend
Victoria: Yeah but I’m not really that either.
◦◦◦
Victoria: Friends are there for you and they’re emotionally supportive.
Victoria: I’m really not.
Victoria: There’s not a point where I stop being a huge bitch.
Jeremy: Victoria
Victoria: I’m not saying that for pity.
Victoria: Literally the exact opposite of that.
Victoria: I’ve had guys think that they just needed to get past my defenses.
Victoria: Like I’ve got a crunchy bitch shell around a gooey feelings center.
Victoria: But I am nothing but bitch.
Victoria: Oops, All Bitchy.
Victoria: I don’t want you getting mad at me because you thought I was something else.
◦◦◦
Jeremy: Okay
Jeremy: Thank you for explaining it to me
Jeremy: I can see how that would be frustrating for you
Jeremy: And possibly dangerous if the wrong person got mad
Victoria: You’re not that kind of person, though.
Victoria: I think you’d just be really sad.
Victoria: And that sounds fucking depressing.
Victoria: So I’d really rather you didn’t.
Jeremy: Okay
◦◦◦
Jeremy: I know I said I wouldn’t argue
Jeremy: But I just want to point something out and then I’ll drop it
Victoria: Okay.
Jeremy: You’ve been fine meeting me at the pub
Jeremy: Which means that doesn’t count as a date
Jeremy: And that’s the kind of thing I was thinking of
Jeremy: Making dinner’s nbd because I do that every night
Jeremy: This was never going to be a candlelight and roses thing
Jeremy: And it’s not like having someone over is a big deal for me
Jeremy: Basically everyone in the office has come over
Jeremy: They bring their kids and I let them use the pool
Victoria: Why do you have a fucking pool??
Jeremy: Why would I not have a pool if having one was an option
◦◦◦
Jeremy: Anyway
Jeremy: If you still aren’t comfortable that’s fine
Jeremy: Just let me know if you need my address
Jeremy: Or if I need to get a room

◦◦◦
Victoria: I don’t know.
Victoria: I’ll think about it.